How To Deal With Negative Comments-Homeschool Edition
Throughout our homeschool journey, there have been and still are, at times, certain obstacles that we have to face. Sometimes they resolve on their own and sometimes they never go away. The one I want to focus on today is the negative comments and feedback we as parents get for the decision to homeschool. I think every homeschool parent has experienced this in one way or another and it certainly doesn’t feel good. Sometimes these comments come from strangers and other times they may even come from people we know, such as friends and family. Regardless, it can be hard to deal with this opposition, especially if it’s from people we interact with daily or weekly.
Thankfully, my husband and I have always been supported by family but we can’t say the same for other relationships in our lives. This past year has been especially difficult as some friendships have shifted and changed. It can be very disheartening when those shifts come from people you thought would respect and support your decision for your children. In my case, I was met with subtle passive-aggressive remarks, under-the-breath comments, and a shift in the dynamic of the friendship. While it has been really challenging to deal with this, it has grown me in ways that I wouldn't have otherwise. It has reminded me that I am not responsible for the actions of others except my own and that I cannot make anyone support and respect my decision. It has helped me trust God's plan for the relationships in my life.
Now, When these remarks come from family, it almost causes hurt on another level. A friend of mine and also another homeschool mom is met with a lot of opposition from her family. It is at the point where these negative comments are not only said to her anymore but to her young son. What is admirable about this friend is, she and her husband recognize how unacceptable and inappropriate it is to not only say these remarks to her, but her son, and have discussed new boundaries that they realize they need to put in place. It is so important to be a united front with your spouse, especially when facing criticism within the family.
When it comes to comments from strangers, I have grown to just laugh it off. I have been told by people who do not even know me that my children's IQs will be in the negatives, they will not be social beings, and they will be sheltered all their lives. Seriously, if I had a nickel for every time someone met me with a "social" comment, I would be a rich woman! I think all homeschool parents can relate to that. What we need to remember is that these comments come from people who have absolutely no idea about what the homeschool lifestyle entails and consists of. To be honest, as hard as it is, we really need to extend some grace out to them for their ignorance on the topic. When you start having this perspective, these remarks don't hurt as bad as they once did.
Speaking of perspective, let us talk about what to remember next time we are on the receiving end of a snarky remark whether it is from a family member, friend, or stranger. First and foremost, your value is not in what someone says, but in our Lord Jesus Christ. Matthew 6:26 says “Look at the birds of the air, they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?” God will take care of all of your needs, physically, mentally, and emotionally. He cares for the animals of this earth and he cares for you. He will sustain you through the hurt you endure and experience.
Secondly, You are the one responsible for your children, not the people who disapprove of your decision to homeschool. If you truly feel God’s leading in this area, then there is no reason to look back. You have to take these comments with a grain of salt and keep your eyes on the Lord and your “why” for choosing to homeschool.
Lastly, no one knows your children better than you. The “neigh sayers” don’t know your children’s strengths, weaknesses, learning styles, and physical, and emotional needs. They do not know God’s calling in your life, and if they do, they may not respect it. You as the parent know your children the best, therefore, no one is more qualified to make better decisions than you.
Mom and dad, there will always be someone who doesn’t approve of what you’re doing whether you know who they are, or don’t. When you come to those terms and then let them go, you will feel a huge weight lifted off of your shoulders. Keep in mind, you are doing great, you matter to your kids, and they love you. Most of all, you are important to God and he is holding your hand through it all!